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Showing posts with label sky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sky. Show all posts

Sunday, September 30, 2012

God in me VS. God in sky

God in me VS. God in sky

Gaza, September 30, At 5:30 am the sun starts weaving its rays around the velvety blue sky so slowly and carefully here in Gaza, light starts penetrating the world until it illuminate it. Usually, when I cant sleep at night and if I am nervous or going through something I turn to one of my house's windows to have a 101 conversation with god. I'm this kind of person who has long conversations with god and the spirits of dead people, I talk to my mom's and grandma's pictures whenever I miss them. Some think its crazy while others -like me- think that these conversations will be heard by god and\or the dead people we talk to.

My biggest relief comes when I open a window on a very cold wintery night and talk to god while the rain splashes on my face and the chilly wind penetrates my bones while its still dark outside and everybody is asleep but me and god. I become so honest, real and articulate. I bond with god and call me crazy but I feel like god hears me. I do it in summer also but I prefer it in winter.

Today isn’t a wintery day, but with all the craziness I am going through regarding where I stand in my life right now, I felt like I needed a conversation with god. I needed this conversation so bad especially after the endless nervousness regarding the US visa procedures and my trip to NEW YORK. For others, it might be just a trip or just a UN media training or an experience or a break or their own interpretation of such a trip. For me, the case is very very very different.

I have obsessed about New York after watching allot of good, bad and horrendous American shows of all kinds. After reading about New York, I felt like I relate to this city in allot of ways. New York has many sides: Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens and numerous other shades and faces. I have many sides too. New York is dynamic and artistic and I am dynamic and artistic in my own way. For me, New York is a dream-come-true of a city that dreams come true in. And I want to go there so bad. New York is the city of dreamers and I have big dreams.

After I left MSF, I landed many job interviews. Some I liked and others I disliked and decided to run in the opposite direction before\if things progressed. During September, I felt like time is passing by so slowly, but now that we are one step shy of October I feel like time is flying by so rapidly. It's crazy, I know, but it just shows you how crazy my life is right now. What if I get a good job offer right now? What will a job offer that will make me say no to New York look like? Should I say no to all job offers if I really want New York? Do I want New York more than landing a good job here in Gaza? Are five weeks worth turning job offers down? Should I just boycott all job interviews and offers for NYC's sake? What if don’t make it to NYC? And a thousand other depressing question that I overwhelm myself with during this dramatic period of my life.

While others are taking it easy, I am freaking out. UN sent us the housing options that turned out to be only one housing option which is a box-sized room in YMCA Manhattan. The location is VERY strategic but the place is horrible for me. Unfortunately, I am not this kind of person who doesn’t mind sleeping on somebody's floor and showering in public bathrooms.

I am comfortable with who I am but I wouldn’t deny that I wish I was this kind of person. Staying at a room that fits only for a small bed and sharing a bathroom with 30 other rooms for me is simply UNACCEPTABLE. Call me a brat, call me privileged, call me soft skinned, call me sissy or call me whatever you like I don’t care. I wouldn’t live properly if I didn’t stay at a place that had a good-sized bedroom with your own private bathroom. And in case you don’t know this: Prices of places to stay at in Manhattan ARE RIDICULOUSLY high. So that adds to my dilemma. I wasn’t expecting the UN to place us at the trump tower but I didn’t see that YMCA place coming either. So, I will keep searching till I find something affordable and comfortable at the same time. Wish me luck please.

And an epiphany that I went through this morning was: I am still not over my grandmother's death. Ok, by now you are confused and wondering why the hell are you reading this depressing and confusing blog post!!!! I agree with you LOL I am wondering the same thing. I strayed away from the main issue.

So after feeling all of what you just read above, I needed to resort to god and have a good conversation with him.  I went to every window on every side of my house in Gaza, but all windows were blocked. I can no longer see the sky from any window of my house due to the magnitude of the construction work that has been done around us and infront of us and behind us and on every side and…. .

It just hit me that I can no longer communicate with god from any window of my house. I got sad and angry. I know god is inside of us and we don’t need to look at the sky to talk to him. I know that we can see god in the pedals of a flower, in the stream of flowing water, in birds and animals and basically in everything that he created. But just like sometimes we seek people's recognition of how good we are, although we know we are damn good, I needed to look at the sky when I talk to god today because I needed to feel his presence so I can feel good and bathe in relief. I always talk to the voice of god in me but sometimes I just need to be vulnerable enough to look at the sky above and just vent out to god.

I thought of going downstairs but I decided not to. Because I would not be able to have a loud and verbal conversation with god unless I don’t mind sending the neighbors a message of how crazy I am, and I do. And because its school time and many children will be crowding the whole area walking their way to school.

While I was writing this blog post, I was sitting on my bed and it was nearly 7 am. I thought of taking a break but I was worried about the daily power outage that might happen any second now and till this second I don’t know if I would be able to publish this post or complete it now. I looked out of the opened window, and to my surprise, from my current eye-level there is a small space of sky visible and its all what I need.

I thought I wont be able to talk to god anymore and look up to the sky while doing it. Apparently I still can. Maybe not for long, but for now I still can. And its enough, so I call for celebration.

Ok, I don’t know why I felt like sharing this lame blog post with you all. I just did. Please don’t hate me if I wasted your time and I promise that I am not always that silly or lame SO PLEASE COME BACK AND CHECK MY BLOG FREQUENTLY AND DON’T RUN AWAY.

I wish you all a happy day wherever you are and I decided to send a prayer for every person struggling in this world today, wherever he\she is, and whatever he\she might be going through. We are all connected, we are all one. May we all live in peace, love and harmony. May we all exude, share, live, give, appreciate and seek happiness.


Omar from Gaza

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

25 killed due to Israeli attacks on Gaza, Hana Shalabi, Poem

25 killed due to Israeli attacks on Gaza,Hana Shalabi,Poem 

Gaza, March 13, This isn’t knew, I know but that doesn’t make it the norm and it shouldn’t be the norm in any way. Gaza survived four continuous days of Israeli attacks that left 25 dead and 80+ injured. Among those injured, some are critical, some are children and some are women. Among those dead there were elderly, women and children. If you have a heart that enables you to claim that children, women and elderly should be killed because they live in Gaza which automatically means they are terrorists, I don’t consider you a human being. Children are children; I would never celebrate the death of Israeli child, ever.

I am not here to report news, I am sure you already watch news channels every day. I am here to tell you a story, to show you that we are humans and not just numbers. Those 25 people who got killed during Israel’s latest vicious cycle of violence against Gaza have names, they are humans. One of them is somebody’s son, other one is somebody’s grandfather, and another one is somebody’s daughter.

Saleh El Issi, 59, is a person that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Saleh worked as a watchman to a piece of land in central Gaza. Saleh is a civilian; he was targeted with two missiles from an Israeli drone that left him blown up into pieces. Saleh had a grandson, Mohamed, 6, who adore him. Mohamed was his grandpa’s favorite; he would take him for a shopping spree at the little local grocery store. Mohamed saw the drone moving and then saw two missiles falling nearby, his dad called his grandpa seconds ago to ask him to return back home because the area wasn’t safe. He was too late. Mohamed ran and saw his grandpa blown up into pieces; he is in a deep depression now.

Nayef Qarmout, 14, died after an Israeli warplanes fired a missile near a gas station Northern Gaza, Nayef was walking with a group of his friends while on their way back home from school. Nayef’s friends got injured, but he didn’t make it. Mohamed Sa’d, his best friend, said that Nayef was a civilian and too young to think about joining any militant or resistance group.

A father and daughter were also killed by an Israeli attack on Gaza. Ayoub Assaleyah, 17, he was also killed by an Israeli attack on Gaza. He was a civilian and his death left his mother devastated, she is in the hospital now after collapsing due to her little son’s death.

25 stories, 25 devastated families left behind, 80+ injured from which many are critical, homes wrecked, lives changed to the worse, children targeted, elderly targeted, women targeted and Gaza yet survives another dark period.

Let me just remind you that Gaza remains under siege, darkness, lack of power, lack of fuel, lack of gas, lack of water and when you add Israeli attacks to that it immediately equals the bad memories of Israel’s war on Gaza back in 2008.

I wonder when the world will see us as humans instead of just disposal “terrorists”? Why do we have struggle daily to grab just a little piece of normality, tranquility and some peace?

Lets jump to Hana Shalabi, I will also tell you something personal about her instead of just stating a news report about her hunger strike that she started last February (16th) to object the illegal detention of her after her release last October as a part of Shalit swap deal. A quick note before I dive more into Hana Shalabi’s story, Israel has –reportedly- killed and re-imprisoned a number of those freed prisoners as a part of Shalit swap deal. Again, if you are ok with that, then you definitely need to see a doctor to locate a heart beat for you.

Hana is one of nine children in a family of farmers in Burqin village, next to Jenin. On 29 September 2005, Hana’s brother Samer was killed by Israeli forces during an incursion in the village. He had been released from prison for only three months after spending nine months in prison when a group of soldiers came to their farm to re-arrest him and instead shot and killed him and his close friend.

After being released from prison on 18 October, Hana planned to study nursing at Al-Rawda College in Nablus. As she was re-arrested less than four months later, she did not have time to enroll. Ten days after Hana announced her hunger strike, her dad and mom started a hunger strike too. All three are suffering from a deteriorating health that gets worse every day; all three have their lives at risk just to stand against injustice and illegal detention.
Please, go to google and learn more about Hana Shalabi. Decide, on your own, on how you want to help her. Either by telling her story, or signing a petition, or writing about her, and\or any other way you see fit. I will ask you to do your homework, decide the way and then research resources. You will become closer and more personal to Hana, instead of me directing you to links and ways.

And finally, I would like to share a poem that I wrote -rapidly- today. After four days of Israeli attacks on Gaza, the stress caught up to me today and I felt frustrated. I needed a way to let out my anger, frustration and sadness so I wrote this poem. Here it is:

Let me carry your soul
Gently to the sky
May it rest there
What happened to you was inhuman
What happened to you was unfair
May your death bring spring
May your death vanquish despair
May time ease your mother’s cries
Freedom is born when tyranny dies
May your impact heal your mother’s heart
May cruelty end and humanity start
May you rest well
May you smile
In heaven, may you dwell
For victory will come even after awhile
May you be the last sacrifice
May your death bring peace
Your journey was not futile
Your blown up pieces
Collected a homeland
To say the least
Let the birds sing a song
Let the wind sing along
Let us celebrate
The departure of a soul
That led to salvation
For humankind and all
Let this spark ignite a revolution
Let us merge into evolution
Let the departed soul
Be our solution
May we never let you down
When you look down
At us
May we make you proud
May our inner screams
Shake the world with sound
May our inner screams break walls and chains
For the sun will come up
After the sky rains

From Gaza with love,

Omar - March 13th \ 2012